Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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