i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
