I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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