u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
