I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
