We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
