woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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