Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
