Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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