I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
