just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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