OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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