She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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