Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
