Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
