sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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