Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
