i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
