I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
