Barsexuality is the new black.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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