question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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