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friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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