grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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