Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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