her vagine was all disorganized.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
