Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
