drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dick very happy bro
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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