Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
