I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
