I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
