Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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