Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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