There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
