Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
