I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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