dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
