I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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