physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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