dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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