I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
