This girl is more easily done than said...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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