We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize