i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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