I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
