How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
