There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
