I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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