just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
