You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
