Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
