you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
