she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
