from now on my penis is your penis
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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