I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
