my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
