White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
