So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
not ubering you a puppy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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