I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
