I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
