he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
