I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
